


Moonlight

by iamgrape



Category: TwitchRP
Genre: Anxiety, Fluff and Angst, Insecurity, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:46:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25703032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamgrape/pseuds/iamgrape
Summary: Jerry deals with anxiety and intrusive thoughts for like two pages.
Relationships: Jerry the Breaker/Ken Tucky
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	Moonlight

**Author's Note:**

> Written at like 1 am when I was in a bad place, sorry for the choppiness. Never done this before, so bear with me

He took a breath. 

A tight, careful breath. He felt that if he were to breathe any longer, his lungs would collapse with the weight of keeping his feelings inside of him and his finger on the trigger. 

It shouldn't be like this. You shouldn't be like this. You never belonged anywhere, Jerry, for fuck's sake—even your fucking parents didn't give enough of a shit to raise you. You never were enough, you never will be enough. 

Until now. 

Those chocolate eyes lit up a part of him he didn't even know existed. His gentle touch sent shivers of anticipation all across his body. It was like he couldn't fucking control it.

Your job is to kill, Jerry. You kill, you steal, you break, for fuck's sake. You can't feel like this. 

And yet. 

And yet Ken's laughter made his heart glow like a fucking torch in the night. The way his eyes lit up, the way his hair moved in the wind when he's racing past the cops to the getaway car, the way he said Jerry's fucking name—everything about him was perfect, everything about him was beautiful, everything about him Jerry knew he didn't deserve. 

He knew he couldn't tell Ken how he felt. Hell, he didn't even think he could feel until the moment their eyes met—how the hell was he supposed to say that, to put it into words? How was he supposed to express how fucking alive he felt every time he saw Ken, heard his voice, heard his laughter?

He knew they could never be together. He would ruin him, he would break him, just like he broke everyone else. He knew Ken deserved someone better. Someone who wouldn't trip on his words every time they made eye contact. Someone whose face you could fucking see. Someone without doubts, insecurities, or flaws. Someone who wasn't afraid to be open with other people.

Someone that wasn't Jerry. 

Because he knew Ken. Ken deserved the world.

He didn't deserve the monster sitting next to him.

A sudden and abrupt snore startled him out of his thoughts, but his shoulders relaxed as soon as he heard a familiar, sleepy grumble he knew belonged to his friend beside him. The outside world seemed enhanced now that he wasn't running around in circles in his head. He grew aware of the pitter-patter of the steady rain on the roof of the truck, how the raindrops racing down the tinted windows combined in one gentle, fluid motion to form a stream of water trickling down the window and onto the muddy ground. He noticed the way the trees rustled in the frigid midnight wind, of the way the moonlight bathed the grass outside of his window in pale white light, of the shifting and steady breathing of the man leaned against his shoulder. 

Holy shit, someone was leaning against his shoulder. 

Ken. Ken was leaning against his shoulder. 

He dared not move to disrupt the moment, but after a short few seconds, a faint, sleepy groan arose from the man as he adjusted his position so that his head was against the headrest rather than completely reliant on Jerry's still stature. He grumbled something inaudible before drifting deeper into his slumber.

The woven teal of Fingle's worn sweater was enhanced by the glow of the moon above. Dan's occasional shifting around in his sleep was paired by his soft snoring. He would occasionally mumble something about the ocean, but for now the car was uncharacteristically peaceful, and Jerry found great comfort in that. 

Jerry sighed a deep and thoughtful sigh and gazed out the window. No matter the status of his friends, he knew he wouldn't be sleeping this time around. It's not that he wasn't tired—he just couldn't stand to rest with the ever-pending risk of someone coming to hurt his friends in the middle of the night. Fingle had assured the rest of the gang that they were safe here, that the last place the cops would look would be the far outskirts of Sandy Shores, but Jerry knew Fingle had a rather large warrant over his head, and god dammit if the cops were to try to get him, they'd have to go through Jerry first. Jerry would be ready for anything.

Jerry shimmied into a slightly more comfortable position in the backseat before sighing and adjusting his bat so that it wasn't jabbing into his side. He rubbed a gloved thumb absent-mindedly over the numerous scratches adorning of the knob of his bat. Damn, if this thing hadn't saved his ass more times than he could count. The bat's blood-stained barrel was proof enough of this—dented and worn, it had bashed the heads in of quite a few cops and crims alike. Many considered Jerry inhumane and savage, and to be frank, he couldn't really blame them, but his friends were the only things he valued in his life, and if anyone or anything dared to attempt to take them from him they'd only succeed over his dead body. He'd give anything for his friends, his life included, and anybody who met Jerry damn well knew it.

The sun began to glimmer over the horizon, casting warm light onto the landscape outside of Jerry's window. The steady downpour had turned into a slight drizzle, and misty morning air began to settle upon the world.

Ken's deep exhale startled Jerry, but he relaxed as soon as he saw Ken's familiar face blinking slowly out of a slumber. He yawned, and looked quizzically into Jerry's bloodshot eyes. Something fluttered in Jerry's chest, and he silently cursed whatever the fuck it was to leave him alone and allow him to talk to Ken without slipping up on his words like the complete idiot he was.

"How'd you sleep, Jer?" the sleepy man mumbled quietly, stretching as much as he could in the cramped backseat.

"Uh… great. Yeah, great. I slept well," Jerry said distractedly, trying hard to fight back the urge he had to tell Ken how much he loved him, and how much he wanted to grab that dumbass face of his and hold it close and never let go.

You know Ken would never want you. He just woke up, for fuck's sake. Why can't you just be normal, you monster?

"Buddy, you alright?" Jerry looked over into Ken's warm brown eyes and noticed that his sleepiness had completely worn off and was replaced almost entirely by a look of concern. And a little bit of something else. 

Jerry swore he was going fucking crazy. 

"Yeah, I'm alright."

No you aren't. You need him. 

"Just a little shook after last night, ya know? That chase was intense."

For fuck's sake. 

Ken laughed. "Yeah man, that was totally awesome, how Fingle took that jump from the interstate. He almost never lands that! I thought for sure we were dead."

Jerry wanted to smash something into the window and scream. 

"Yeah, that was crazy."

A moment of silence felt like an eternity. 

"Hey, uh—Jerry?"

Jerry felt his heart stutter. "Yeah, what's up?" 

Ken leaned his head of tousled hair against the window, now almost fully bathed in sunlight. God, Jerry could die. "Have you ever, uh, thought about the future?"

"The future—uh… the future? What do you mean?"

"I mean like when all this ends."

"W-What do you mean when this ends? Like the gang? Like us?"

Ken turned his head back to his armored friend, who looking back at him through his mask with something indescribably intense in his eyes. Ken knew something was bugging him, but he wasn't going to press it. He wanted Jerry to like him, after all.

"I mean, yeah… like, when our robbing streak is over. When we need to move on to something else."

Ken noticed the fidgeting of Jerry's hands in his lap, and the way the look in his eyes grew more and more distressed and anxious every time he spoke, and the uneven rise and fall of his chest.

"I mean…"

Jerry desperately wanted to tell Ken how he felt. That he feels he doesn't have a life out of this whole robbing business, that here in this car is the most belonged and at home he's ever felt all his life. He wants to tell Ken how desperately he needs him, and how he doesn't think he could sleep at night without knowing that he's safe. He wants to squeeze Ken so fucking tightly that nobody, not a thing on this planet could take him from his grasp. He wants to take him out of this stupid fucking car, out of this dumbass city, to a place only he and Ken could call home. Where they would be safe from the bullets and the sirens and the cuffs. Where they could talk for hours on end, and maybe get to know each other better. Maybe Ken would even let his head fall onto his armored shoulder, and maybe it could stay there for longer than a minute or two. Hell, maybe he wouldn't even need his armor, because it's only Ken. Ken, who's the sweetest, safest man in Jerry's world, and maybe it's a little selfish but Jerry wants to hug him and hold him and keep Ken all to himself for all of eternity, and Jerry would never feel scared or uncontrollably angry again because when Ken was safe, he was safe. Ken was home.

He feels Ken's gaze on him, and he knows those loving chocolate eyes are only searching for the truth, but goddamnit if the truth wouldn't scare Ken off altogether. 

"I, uh… guess I haven't thought about that yet," he choked.

Ken gave Jerry a long look, pondered silently for a moment, and without another word, simply laid his hand on top of Jerry's. He just let it lay there.

Oh, Jerry could scream.

Ken put his other hand behind his head and leaned back as far as he could in the cramped backseat, but kept his hand steady on top of Jerry's.

"Yeah."

The sun has risen completely over the horizon at this point, and the last bit of dwindling twilight was dissolving into the warmth of the new day.

Ken ever so gently laid his head on top of Jerry's shoulder.

Nobody saw it, but Jerry might've smiled slightly under that mask.

Jerry was home.


End file.
